Things concerning life have been okay. I'm in a new relationship, and it makes me happy. But I still find myself wildly insecure, and it's ruining it.
I know the things I do and say are wrong and annoying, but I can't help it. When things feel different, like it's all slipping away, I crumble.
I'm making the same mistakes I always do. Sometimes I just wish he would reassure me, let me know he isn't going anywhere. It scares me to death the thought of him leaving me.
So as it always does, these feelings trigger a relapse...I'm not eating, and haven't been for the last few weeks...the only time I do is with him or if I feel weak.
I'm exercising a lot, last week I woke up through the night and did sit-ups and planks while he slept and left after....
In 3 months I've gone from 69-60kg. Reasonable for 3 months, but I want to lose more, and I wish I could do it the healthy way...but right now I can't.
People who have never dealt with this wouldn't say that's abnormal with the way you feel, but I've stood here many times before and I can feel myself slipping, the scales are starting to rule again and it's not comforting this time round. It's scary as fuck!
I'm 23. I should know by now that I can't control everything, and when I can't, I know better than to do what I have been doing. I can't talk about it, no one wants to hear it. It's "attention seeking".
So I will keep quiet, deal with it and hope for the best.
I wish I knew how I got to be this way.