Monday, May 31, 2010

Somewhere only we know...( comment replies)

So last post i mentioned going out sober.

This didn't happen, i ended up having a few drinks coz my older brother ( herion addict ) was coming down and kept psyching up at me i needed something to kill the anxiety that comes when he gets that way. I dont even know why he's here, when i moved back home the deal with the rents was he had to go for me to come back, but still at 19, im putting up with my 33 yr old bros shit.

Anyway i didn't drink alot, i wasn't even drunk...and i managed not to hook up with anyone, my motto was indulge in booze not boys, but i did have a few try and took it abit personal when i would push them away and turn my head. Anywayz went home round 2 am...did not sleep at all and i was supposed to work at 10.15 and i felt so crook it wasn't funny, so i ended up calling in sick, i felt so guilty.

Anywayz last nite went out for chinese with the family, i hadly ate anything coz i didn't want any, later on i went ova to matts with the boys and girls and ended up going to the movies...was pretty fun. I love chill nites =)

So im kinda starting to hate food, like i do not like it at all, lately i've been skipping meals coz what i would normally have is disgusting just doesn't taste good anymore, hopefully this will prevent binges if this behaviour keeps up.

So today I got called into work, so i haven't had time to workout given its raining but so far all i've had is a slice of toast with jam so i'll estimate 130? ( the bread is from the bakery so its high in cals) i was gonna have a Biggest loser shake after work ( 208 cals) but i really dont want it...but i need the cals.

We're having pea ham soup for dinner, so cals wont be out of hand today.

So replies to comments:

Raynay: Its ok, lecturing is needed lol. I did take the morning after pill, but the lady told me it is only 85% effective, and i'm more worried bout the risk of std and sti's...but im pretty sure i couldn't get pregnant at that time of the month anywayz so it should be good.

Pokerface and Harlow: Thanks for the photo comments, ur both gorgeous!


Saturday, May 29, 2010

Sometimes I wish I could sleep forever...

coz most days my dreams seem like a much better fucking reality, im thinner, prettier, things move much slower i am not plagued by how i feel on a daily basis when im alseep.

Of course there are the nites where i have the weird dreams like when a chick locked me on top of a sky scaper and preceded to throw away all the food i would try to eat and left me there to starve and die. But most days my dreams are happier and more positive then life now days.

The last two days have been meh, not terrible but not bad...the cold weather isn't helping either.

So i joined a site tonight that allows you to ask me questions and such without revealing who you are...looked like fun so i thought why not lol...

I may head out tonight sober and try and burn some cals...Hope Daniel isn't out.

I've been kinda worrying alot lately that i may have fallen pregnant, like me and daniel had one nite but we had sex four times and all without a condom, which is stupid.

Told you im not the same person i was before.

Friday, May 28, 2010

Photo's ( taken in my messy bros room)

This has to be the most disgusting my body has ever been. I hate it.

Im huge...need to tone up pronto.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Rhi is a lost little girl.

So the last few months have been a whirlwind of emotions and feelings, things seem so great and then everything comes crashing down around me. I dont even know who i am anymore, i know im definately not a better person then i was before.

So much has happened since my last post and i cant even begin to explain all the shit that has been going on.

Well im no longer in the 40's, im actually weighing in at 52kg, which is amzing considering all the bingeing and drinking im been doing in the last 2 months...

For the last two days i have managed to be good, staying under 1000 calories, working out...i dont think i need to lose weight anymore, but i need to regain control.

Today I ate

  • 1 wholemeal crumpet wit 12g jam
  • small banana
  • a can of tuna ( only ate a lil bit tho)
  • a Biggest loser shake
  • and minestrone soup

That totals to around 550 i think...

Im on close tonight so i'll probably have watevs the fam has made me for dinner so i should come in under 1000 or just a lil over.

I'll post a photo 2moz, im not huge but im frumpy which is the worst.