Thursday, May 7, 2015

I think for a long time I have been in denial.

But after the last two days I don't think I can avoid it anymore....I think on some level I knew...

This week I have been sick...Last night I was ladling soup into a cup when I spilled boiling soup all over the back of my hand and burned quite a large surface area. I of course screamed and cried. Please tell me that is a normal reaction....because I got yelled at for this and made to feel wrong...stupid. I was in pain and he somehow found a way to turn this into something that I have done wrong.

Go to the hospital tonight and get told I have bronchitis and a middle ear infection. Walking out of the hospital he starts a fight over me being moody earlier in the day after I hung up on him for yelling at me over the phone. Because I am tired of being treated that way. I'm a person, not a pet.

Maybe I am just an exceptionally bad person who doesn't deserve to be happy.

I must be such a bad girlfriend that I don't deserve kindness or even sympathy.

Doesn't matter what I do, its never good enough and its gonna destroy me if shit doesn't change.

I have never felt so fucking small in my life.

I don't know how to deal with this anymore.

Tuesday, February 10, 2015


Today was just one of those days where I just feel completely and entirely alone.
No one cares about the blame that has been placed on my phones and TV shows are more important.

I just want to disappear, starve and not care anymore.