Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Battle of the exes

I would like to thank you for your lovely comments yesterday. Especially Sam lupin. :)

Things today are better if you could call it that. I haven't eaten today, but I honestly just can't.

My boyfriend told me he's going to his ex's to finalise his tax....that hurts. They were together for 6 years and he talks to her, admits he still has feelings for her and expects me to be fine with him seeing her. 

I'm sorry but I can't be fine with that, I will never be fine with it. And he has no guilt on how it affects me .
I know it sounds selfish but he should care right? I feel the way I feel and I can't help that. I hide it as best as I can but it eats away at me. 

I find myself comparing. Like I'm not as calm as she was, I'm not skinnier than her anymore. I can't even let myself think somehow, I'm  better than her , because I'm not.

And the worst part is I can't say anything, because it hurts him when I doubt him. 

I had an on/off relationship with my ex for 4 years, and I can honestly say I have no love for him. Hell , I left him to be with my current boyfriend. 

I think that's why I'm so scared of him leaving me. I gave up something that I thought made me happy for a better relationship, but one where I feel vulnerable, and lucky to have someone so special to love me. 

A relationship I'm sure if does end, will be the undoing of me. I never wanted someone as much as I do him. 

I'm not asking for advice, I guess I just need an outlet, so I don't let it ruin my relationship. It's hard keeping it all inside sometimes. It's hard to act happy when I keep it all in. 

I'm gonna try and eat later, I'm run down and cold. Don't think I can until I see him after his seen her. Just wish they didn't have to still get along.

I'll stop the rambling now. Hopefully this helped me in some way. 


1 comment:

  1. Hey, thanks for your comment on my blog. I've just followed you back. I gather from some older posts that you're from Australia too? It's always good to meet more Aussies on here :)

    I'm sorry you're having troubles with your boyfriend. I don't know how he expects you to be okay with him seeing her when he's admitted to still having feelings for her. You're right, he should care a lot more than he's doing now. I had similar issues with my ex, with them wanting to re-establish contact when there were still feelings between them. I was always comparing myself to her and it fed right into my ED. It's a horrible place to be.

    Ramble all you need. Better in than out. That's what blogs are for ;)

    Take care <3

    P.S, you are STUNNING! xx