Things today are better if you could call it that. I haven't eaten today, but I honestly just can't.
My boyfriend told me he's going to his ex's to finalise his tax....that hurts. They were together for 6 years and he talks to her, admits he still has feelings for her and expects me to be fine with him seeing her.
I'm sorry but I can't be fine with that, I will never be fine with it. And he has no guilt on how it affects me .
I know it sounds selfish but he should care right? I feel the way I feel and I can't help that. I hide it as best as I can but it eats away at me.
I find myself comparing. Like I'm not as calm as she was, I'm not skinnier than her anymore. I can't even let myself think somehow, I'm better than her , because I'm not.
And the worst part is I can't say anything, because it hurts him when I doubt him.
I had an on/off relationship with my ex for 4 years, and I can honestly say I have no love for him. Hell , I left him to be with my current boyfriend.
I think that's why I'm so scared of him leaving me. I gave up something that I thought made me happy for a better relationship, but one where I feel vulnerable, and lucky to have someone so special to love me.
A relationship I'm sure if does end, will be the undoing of me. I never wanted someone as much as I do him.
I'm not asking for advice, I guess I just need an outlet, so I don't let it ruin my relationship. It's hard keeping it all inside sometimes. It's hard to act happy when I keep it all in.
I'm gonna try and eat later, I'm run down and cold. Don't think I can until I see him after his seen her. Just wish they didn't have to still get along.
I'll stop the rambling now. Hopefully this helped me in some way.