Saturday, September 25, 2010


It seems to be ruining everything.

I've had three attacks in two days and i dont know why im so easily set off of late.

It honest to god scares me, makes it easier to not eat, but it hurts so much emotionally.

After Jared i promised i'd never give anyone the chance to hurt me again, but last nite occurred to me just how much i feel for Jack and i just cant deal atm. Thats what my attack was over last nite when he was asleep, im so scared that i'll be back to where i started that i started to think bout ending it before he has the chance.

But he makes me so happy, but i know it'll never be anything more, and i need to be in control of this situation but i lost control of the wheel a long time ago i think.

Still 48kg, still struggling with food.

I still feel like i have a huge elephant sitting on my chest.

I wanna run away again.

1 comment:

  1. I used to have panic attacks along the same lines when I started dating my husband... But now he's my husband... I say you have to put yourself out there no matter how much it freaks you out.
    Stay strong, darling. You're beautiful.