Things today are better if you could call it that. I haven't eaten today, but I honestly just can't.
My boyfriend told me he's going to his ex's to finalise his tax....that hurts. They were together for 6 years and he talks to her, admits he still has feelings for her and expects me to be fine with him seeing her.
I'm sorry but I can't be fine with that, I will never be fine with it. And he has no guilt on how it affects me .
I know it sounds selfish but he should care right? I feel the way I feel and I can't help that. I hide it as best as I can but it eats away at me.
I find myself comparing. Like I'm not as calm as she was, I'm not skinnier than her anymore. I can't even let myself think somehow, I'm better than her , because I'm not.
And the worst part is I can't say anything, because it hurts him when I doubt him.
I had an on/off relationship with my ex for 4 years, and I can honestly say I have no love for him. Hell , I left him to be with my current boyfriend.
I think that's why I'm so scared of him leaving me. I gave up something that I thought made me happy for a better relationship, but one where I feel vulnerable, and lucky to have someone so special to love me.
A relationship I'm sure if does end, will be the undoing of me. I never wanted someone as much as I do him.
I'm not asking for advice, I guess I just need an outlet, so I don't let it ruin my relationship. It's hard keeping it all inside sometimes. It's hard to act happy when I keep it all in.
I'm gonna try and eat later, I'm run down and cold. Don't think I can until I see him after his seen her. Just wish they didn't have to still get along.
I'll stop the rambling now. Hopefully this helped me in some way.
Xoxo
Hey, thanks for your comment on my blog. I've just followed you back. I gather from some older posts that you're from Australia too? It's always good to meet more Aussies on here :)
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you're having troubles with your boyfriend. I don't know how he expects you to be okay with him seeing her when he's admitted to still having feelings for her. You're right, he should care a lot more than he's doing now. I had similar issues with my ex, with them wanting to re-establish contact when there were still feelings between them. I was always comparing myself to her and it fed right into my ED. It's a horrible place to be.
Ramble all you need. Better in than out. That's what blogs are for ;)
Take care <3
P.S, you are STUNNING! xx