How I Feel...

I hate it when I feel a whirlwind of so many emotions...
Its like I dont know how to pick myself up off the ground because I dont know where to start...

I feel ugly...
I feel fat...
unloved...
tired...
sad...
mad...
lost...
unmotivated...
stupid...
worthless...
like I ask for too much...

Where the hell do I start ???

I dont know how I got here either, I know it sounds stupid but everything was so much simpler when I was sick.

I didnt love, I didnt care. My weight was my focus.

Im worried about my relationship, sometimes I feel like I cant stand up for myself cause I always get made out to be the bad guy. So I gave up, I smile and nod, and go along with what he wants.

I really miss my disorder, I dont know how else to deal with my emotions.

I dont know how to get through this like a normal person, and I think I will relapse.

Funny thing is, I dont even care...I just want to feel back in control.




Rhi. xx