Somewhere only we know...( comment replies)

So last post i mentioned going out sober.

This didn't happen, i ended up having a few drinks coz my older brother ( herion addict ) was coming down and kept psyching up at me i needed something to kill the anxiety that comes when he gets that way. I dont even know why he's here, when i moved back home the deal with the rents was he had to go for me to come back, but still at 19, im putting up with my 33 yr old bros shit.

Anyway i didn't drink alot, i wasn't even drunk...and i managed not to hook up with anyone, my motto was indulge in booze not boys, but i did have a few try and took it abit personal when i would push them away and turn my head. Anywayz went home round 2 am...did not sleep at all and i was supposed to work at 10.15 and i felt so crook it wasn't funny, so i ended up calling in sick, i felt so guilty.

Anywayz last nite went out for chinese with the family, i hadly ate anything coz i didn't want any, later on i went ova to matts with the boys and girls and ended up going to the movies...was pretty fun. I love chill nites =)

So im kinda starting to hate food, like i do not like it at all, lately i've been skipping meals coz what i would normally have is disgusting me...food just doesn't taste good anymore, hopefully this will prevent binges if this behaviour keeps up.

So today I got called into work, so i haven't had time to workout given its raining but so far all i've had is a slice of toast with jam so i'll estimate 130? ( the bread is from the bakery so its high in cals) i was gonna have a Biggest loser shake after work ( 208 cals) but i really dont want it...but i need the cals.

We're having pea ham soup for dinner, so cals wont be out of hand today.

So replies to comments:

Raynay: Its ok, lecturing is needed lol. I did take the morning after pill, but the lady told me it is only 85% effective, and i'm more worried bout the risk of std and sti's...but im pretty sure i couldn't get pregnant at that time of the month anywayz so it should be good.

Pokerface and Harlow: Thanks for the photo comments, ur both gorgeous!

Xx

Sometimes I wish I could sleep forever...

coz most days my dreams seem like a much better fucking reality, im thinner, prettier, things move much slower i am not plagued by how i feel on a daily basis when im alseep.

Of course there are the nites where i have the weird dreams like when a chick locked me on top of a sky scaper and preceded to throw away all the food i would try to eat and left me there to starve and die. But most days my dreams are happier and more positive then life now days.

The last two days have been meh, not terrible but not bad...the cold weather isn't helping either.

So i joined a site tonight that allows you to ask me questions and such without revealing who you are...looked like fun so i thought why not lol... http://www.formspring.me/Rhianna91.

I may head out tonight sober and try and burn some cals...Hope Daniel isn't out.

I've been kinda worrying alot lately that i may have fallen pregnant, like me and daniel had one nite but we had sex four times and all without a condom, which is stupid.

Told you im not the same person i was before.

Photo's ( taken in my messy bros room)

This has to be the most disgusting my body has ever been. I hate it.

Im huge...need to tone up pronto.

Rhi is a lost little girl.

So the last few months have been a whirlwind of emotions and feelings, things seem so great and then everything comes crashing down around me. I dont even know who i am anymore, i know im definately not a better person then i was before.



So much has happened since my last post and i cant even begin to explain all the shit that has been going on.

Well im no longer in the 40's, im actually weighing in at 52kg, which is amzing considering all the bingeing and drinking im been doing in the last 2 months...

For the last two days i have managed to be good, staying under 1000 calories, working out...i dont think i need to lose weight anymore, but i need to regain control.

Today I ate

• 1 wholemeal crumpet wit 12g jam
• small banana
• a can of tuna ( only ate a lil bit tho)
• a Biggest loser shake
• and minestrone soup

That totals to around 550 i think...

Im on close tonight so i'll probably have watevs the fam has made me for dinner so i should come in under 1000 or just a lil over.

I'll post a photo 2moz, im not huge but im frumpy which is the worst.

Xxx

So...

Fasted friday and yesterday, drank a bit of alcohol yesterday tho coz i went to a new found glory concert in sydney...but other then that no extra cals.

New found was amazing!! Definately best concert i've eva been to, and they can actually sing awesome live and sound like they do on their records uno. Gettin home at 6 am was a killer tho, ended up crashing at the 'my ex's sisters house, love those girls =)

broke my fast today wit a frozen yoghurt...probably have a baked dinner with the fam tonight also coz im startin to look a little gaunt for me ( alot of people said so last night =$) so im gonna have to or questions will be asked.

Start back at work this week, so keepin in control will be easier coz i wont be sitting at home most of the day bored, plan for 2moz is to get up eat a good breakfast go for a run...then try and minimise the cals from there on.

Weigh in is tuesday, hopefully i'll keep this up by then.

Hope u all had an awesome and safe w/e =)

xoxo

The w/e...

Easter has been alright so far i guess, been sick with the flu since last nite tho which is really sucky, but i cant eat much without feeling sick so i may just feel abit skinnier ova the w/e...

So went to a party on thursday nite and got trashed, drank a whole bottle of southern comfort by myself ( probably why my immune system is shit atm) but i met another boy named Dan =) he was very nice, shame he has a gf, i know what i did was wrong, but i dont regret it at all, feel sorry for his girl tho. There was a huge fight at this party, ruined everyones nite, my mate walked into the bedroom while dan and i were hooking up and completly ovareacted so i lost a mate that nite which sucked but he's an arrogant prick so watevs, he cant get be mad at me for this coz he had a similiar situation wit my friend last yr.

last nite had a party here which i bailed on, left everyone in my backyard and went to bed sober at 11...thats when i started gettin sick lol...

Food has been ok the last few days...just too much alcohol i think.

Hope everyone had a safe and happy w/e =)

xoxo

Finally home and back on blogger!!

So i moved back on sunday and all is well.

Was a pretty easy 10 hr dr back, i think i may have got done for speeding tho, but my awesome mother said she'll take the fall for it =)

So i intended for this post to be a Vlog but my bro lost the cord that connects the camera to the computer so i'll have to buy a new one, so i'll post the video i did last nite next week. You'll also notice i deleted my previous posts...trying to make a new start so i figured why not.

Things are pretty good atm, i weighed on tuesday was 50.7kg...pretty awesome considering all the bingeing i did in brisbane. Not gonna weigh in again till next tuesday.

My goal atm is to get back down to 50 by then, then slowly go down 0.5 kg a week or so.

So BIG news! I met Sarah from Is this what u call perfect? blog, she is totally gorgeous in person and no matter what she says she is fucking tiny! Super jealous of that girl, she is freaking beautiful . But honestly is was so nice to meet someone from this community =)

Ended up drinking last nite, so im not gonna make sure i eat 1000 calories today like i usually do, just gonna drink lots of water, walk the dog ( too hungova to work out, plus my body is still aching from the 9 kms i ran yesterday), and eat when i really need to, already had 2 rice cakes wit vegimite, gonna have some fruit later and we're having salad for dinner so yea...

Met a nice boy last nite, shame i dont feel anything for him tho...uno how you just know, i dont feel it. still gonna give him a chance tho.

Last nite on the drive home my best friend L who has had an eating disorder for 5 of the 7 years we've been friends, started coughing up blood, it was so scary coz i didn't know wat to do and she wouldn't let us take her to the hospital...so seems ok now, but that is one of the reasons i could never set myself on becoming that extreme, i wanna be here in 10 years not in the ground.

Heres a photo of me lucy and the nice boy who for whateva reason likes me. enjoy, i'll take it down sat.

Well im gonna go catch up on some of ur posts =)

xx