Anxiety.

It seems to be ruining everything.

I've had three attacks in two days and i dont know why im so easily set off of late.

It honest to god scares me, makes it easier to not eat, but it hurts so much emotionally.

After Jared i promised i'd never give anyone the chance to hurt me again, but last nite occurred to me just how much i feel for Jack and i just cant deal atm. Thats what my attack was over last nite when he was asleep, im so scared that i'll be back to where i started that i started to think bout ending it before he has the chance.

But he makes me so happy, but i know it'll never be anything more, and i need to be in control of this situation but i lost control of the wheel a long time ago i think.

Still 48kg, still struggling with food.

I still feel like i have a huge elephant sitting on my chest.

I wanna run away again.

Thank you!!!

for the photo comments =)

And gem, i got that dress from dotti, if ur in australia its still in stock =)

Well, got my belly button pierced yesterday, pretty random thing, but it happened.

Finally got it done coz its gives me incentive not to let myself get bigger again, and plus my tummy is finally flat enough again.

Still 48 kg, haven't eaten yet today but i made a pork curry cutting out all the fat i could, and i'll only have a snack size of it and let the rest of the fam binge on it.
Going to the gym after i drop the ice cream pie i made into jacks. ( i like to cook, but i give my food away to save calories and temtation)

So yea, hopefully by monday i'll see 47. Not eating 2moz, going to a party and i'd say i wont have time to eat sat nite coz i work close.

Wish me luck! Hope ur doing well!

xoxo

Photos!!

So today i weighed in at 48kg so 106 lbs.

Life is ok i guess, just been living on a diet of coffee and ciggerettes, i swear its making living harder.

This time im scared, its not like the other times before, its not that i shouldn't eat, but i cant.

Had an anxiety attack at work yesterday over a few mouthfuls of soup, after i calmed down i threw it away and went and had a smoke instead.

I think the coffee plays a big part in my anxiety tho.

Anyway here are some photos of me at 48kg. I think from here on in it will be a slow decline, but it will be a decline no less.

weigh in!

49 kg!!

im back and its only early days.

My plan pretty much at the moment is not eat one day and eat a tiny lunch and a healthy dinner the next.

Its working so far. =)

Pretty sure im back...

My disgust for food has returned...along with the nightmares.

These days im too busy to eat, just smoke and drink coffee to keep me going.

Ate for the first time since friday, just had to much to do and so little time so i never got round to it, rathered sleep.

Things in life are good, moving out in 6 weeks with some mates =)

Boy is good, still seeing others tho.

Work is pretty tough and the long days are taking their toll but i like it.

have no idea wat my weight is and i dont wanna know, when i feel more comfortable i'll weigh in.

Post 2moz.